The Modest Proposal Revisited...
So, I was sitting around and shooting the breeze with some friends tonight, and we got on the topic of stand-up comics and the whole War on Terror thing...and a thought occurred to me.
We've been dealing with the insurgency issue all wrong. We are dealing with a group of people who feel their territory has been violated and their authority to hold that territory has been challenged. We don't need soldiers to handle this issue. We need gangs.
This would be a win-win situation for us. Clearing the gangs out of the city would provide a chance to renew and renovate great amounts of urban space, without the additional challenges of upsetting the local warlords of our own back alleys. And it would provide them with an opportunity to truly serve their country. I'm certain, for the amount we're paying the military, the gangs would be willing to take on this task.
They are ideally suited to this type of operation. They are used to hit-and-run tactics (granted, they often use the drive-by shooting, as opposed to the Improvised Explosive Device--), they are accustomed to defending urban neighborhoods against encroachment by 'unwelcome elements ' (those outside their own groups, at least), and they think in the same terms of 'you hurt me, I kill you' that the insurgents all seem to uphold. They are also largely composed of individuals outside the traditional American ideal of the clean-cut, bright-eyed young man (so, if the indigenous populations get tired of them, our soldiers might seem like a welcome replacement).
The only real drawback I can see would be the enormous expense of pimping out all the Humvees...
(DISCLAIMER: the author intends this strictly in a sense of the ridiculous. If this post in any way creates a desire for a drive-by shooting of his residence, please keep in mind that this is only a joke...)
So, I was sitting around and shooting the breeze with some friends tonight, and we got on the topic of stand-up comics and the whole War on Terror thing...and a thought occurred to me.
We've been dealing with the insurgency issue all wrong. We are dealing with a group of people who feel their territory has been violated and their authority to hold that territory has been challenged. We don't need soldiers to handle this issue. We need gangs.
This would be a win-win situation for us. Clearing the gangs out of the city would provide a chance to renew and renovate great amounts of urban space, without the additional challenges of upsetting the local warlords of our own back alleys. And it would provide them with an opportunity to truly serve their country. I'm certain, for the amount we're paying the military, the gangs would be willing to take on this task.
They are ideally suited to this type of operation. They are used to hit-and-run tactics (granted, they often use the drive-by shooting, as opposed to the Improvised Explosive Device--), they are accustomed to defending urban neighborhoods against encroachment by 'unwelcome elements ' (those outside their own groups, at least), and they think in the same terms of 'you hurt me, I kill you' that the insurgents all seem to uphold. They are also largely composed of individuals outside the traditional American ideal of the clean-cut, bright-eyed young man (so, if the indigenous populations get tired of them, our soldiers might seem like a welcome replacement).
The only real drawback I can see would be the enormous expense of pimping out all the Humvees...
(DISCLAIMER: the author intends this strictly in a sense of the ridiculous. If this post in any way creates a desire for a drive-by shooting of his residence, please keep in mind that this is only a joke...)
2 Comments:
a swiftian thought if ever i read one... sort of. one easy (had this been more serious, which would make me raise my eyebrows at you) argument against with out jumping to the moral high ground is this: What incentive do the gang members have to do the drive bys and the hunting the enemy? they have a strong incentive here in the states to protect thier territory as not only is it a home area for thier friends and family but it is also the economic center for a portion of their livelyhood. most gangs deal drugs, typically crack cocaine, though some club drugs, herorine, and meth will show up too. the market is saturated and with the primary drug (crack) being one of the easiest drugs to make (especially if you can get your hands on uncut cocaine) the gangs must maintain thier hold and monopoly in an area in order to insure that they will be able to continue selling the substance. with that in mind, what incentive do they have for military service in the capacity you are suggesting? it must be a strong one, at least in the minds of the gang members (they don't individually make very much money from the drug deals, but the gang as a whole does). answer that question and it will make this new modest proposal that much better. (and to note, most gang members aren't overly patriotic, they really don't care about the country as a whole and are very insular).
Damn you and your logical rebuttal!!! ;)
Yeah, if we had the answer to that question, we wouldn't have problems with gangs in the first place. All these problems, with no good solutions...
Post a Comment
<< Home