Coming soon to a Bitchcake near you...

So it appears that I will soon be among the fortunate few that comprise the Bitchcake community. I'm excited by this...and maybe just a little nervous. I haven't been writing much in the years since those of you who already know me actually knew me (if that makes sense...) I don't know if I'm up to par.

But, in honor of my impending arrival (we'll see how timely Erica is with getting me set up), I wanted to borrow something I saw on one of the blogs there...

Everyone has their firsts.

First time you painted a house: Wow...I don't even remember how old I was. Not very. Dad was big on giving us the chance to help out (that's not a euphemism...I wanted to paint.)

First time you missed the bowl: Ummmm...Can I maybe get back to you on this one? I'm sure it was even further back....

First time you stepped in doodie: Probably right around the same time as the house painting. We had a dog while I was growing up, so did the neighbors, and leash laws were unheard of.

First time you misspelled a word: I have no recollection of that event. (Just the 'first part'...I've misspelled a lot of words.)

First time you broke a guitar string:

First time you realized that growth was not there a week ago:

First time you saw Mommy kissing Santa: Never, to all of the above (but I do recall, at around age 8 or so, realizing that Santa's handwriting on the gift labels looked a lot like Dad's...)

First time you cut your own hair: That goes back into the hazy days of early childhood, too. Couldn't tell you, but it was early.

First time you got plastered on purpose to numb the pain: Never been plastered, period.

First time you sneezed and something came out of your nose and landed on someone else: Yep, another one of those "I know it happened, it was just so long ago I don't remember" things.

Everyone has their lasts.

Last time you painted a snail: Never.

Last time you had to pee so bad you thought about just pissing your pants: Ummm...two months ago, driving up to Park City to paint the set for 'Suessical.'

Last time you smiled: As I was typing this.

Last time you ate something that was not yours: Well, does reclaiming the bag of chips I bought for the scene shop count?

Last time you broke a cymbal: Never.

Last time you blamed someone else: For what? If it's their fault, I always blame them...just not always out loud (that's a fast way to get people to stop signing your paycheck, after all!)

Last time you did something odd because you thought you were alone, but you weren't: Another one of those I-know-I've-done-this things...don't recall.

Last time you wasted time on stupid blog posts: Including tonight?

Last time you shaved your right thigh because your wallet rubs and gives you ingrowns: Never.

Last time you shaved your left thigh, just for symmetry: See above.

Should I get my boobs done? What are you asking me for? They're your boobs...but I prefer the natural look, regardless of size.

Ruffs

posted by Kyle # 2:53 PM

Everyone has their firsts...

First real best friend: Noel Cooley (if anyone has seen him, tell him I miss him...it's been years!)

First school: River Heights Elementary (the old one)

First Screenname: Oh, geez...ummmm...Phelan, I think...(so many tricky questions!!!)

First Cell phone: I got suckered into going with MCI just after my dad passed away, thinking it'd be a good thing in case something happened to Mom. Carried it for three months, then put it away.

First funeral: One of my great-aunts, I think (I was young!)

First pet: A mutt named Willy. (My family had other pets before that, but they all belonged to older siblings. Technically, Willy was the family dog, but somehow the family dog always ended up becoming mine.)

First piercing/tattoo: No piercings, and the only tattoos I've ever had were temporary.

First big trip: Another one of those that comes from before my active memory...White Sands, NM, then up through CA to the Redwoods. The only thing I recall about the trip is my sister's appendix went bad on the way home.

First flight: Salt Lake to Dayton, OH, as I recall.

First celebrity love: Why couldn't this have been in the LAST section? That would be easy. I had all kinds of crushes on celebrities growing up. Probably Cheryl Tiegs. (Kevin, it's entirely possible you and I are the only ones here who even remember her...)

First time out of the country: Niagara Falls. The Americans have the Falls, but the Canadians have the view.

First job: Other than mowing the lawn? Delivering newspapers.

First MySpace friend: I don't have a MySpace page. Do not invite me. (This answer was already here, from where I copied and pasted...couldn't phrase it better.)

Everyone has their lasts.....

Last person you hugged: Ummmmm...my friend, Marla, or her little girl. I don't remember (it's been two weeks, who pays that much attention?)

Last song you heard: I don't know...a song I don't know by a group I don't know. The last song I can positively remember hearing and identify was 'Kickstart My Heart' by Motley Crue (it was on the radio...and I'm a child of the 80's, get off my back.)

Last car ride: Does driving myself home from work count? I barely pay attention and it's a lot like riding along. (Another pre-existing answer I choose not to rephrase.)

Last time you cried: I don't recall for sure...but I got misty-eyed over the Christmas Holiday when I saw my horse's foal playing with the other babies (she's got a spinal injury and we were afraid she wouldn't even make it through the winter...)

Last movie you watched: Do you count movies I listen to while I'm on the computer? The Addams Family...and before that, Dragonslayer (Marla and her husband got the DVD for me for Christmas!)

Last food you ate: Generic equivalent of Cheez-Its. (thanks for the reminder, I'm starving!!!)

Last person of the opposite sex that you talked to: the clerk at the store where I stopped on my way home from work.

Last item bought: Candles and a jigsaw (not the puzzle...the power tool.)

Last shirt worn: A fleece pull-over I inherited from the Olympics...still wearing it, in fact.

Last phone call: The costumer from the film yesterday...needed to see if they'd fired the pistols they rented from us, so I know whether they need to be cleaned before going back into storage (they do...)

Last text message: I don't do text messaging. I mean it. Even if someone sends me a text message, my phone only displays who sent it, I can't read it at all.

Last thing you touched: My keyboard, duh...Oh, you mean aside from that? My forehead (I'm getting a headache, because the last thing I ate was the damn generic Cheez-its!!!)

Last Funeral: Hmmmm...y'know, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I don't even remember his name. One of the guys I went to school with at USU...but it was years ago (the very sad end to a very sad year...the same year my roommate and my dad died, and two of my best friends got divorced. Also the last time I went to the emergency room.)

Last time at the mall: During the tree holiday. (A pre-existing answer again, but this time I changed one word.)

Last person you saw: The two girls walking across the parking lot at the store where I talked to the aforementioned clerk, whilst purchasing the aforementioned candles and jigsaw.

Last thing you drank: Water (Yep, didn't change this answer either...)

Last thing you typed: Aside from this? An email to a girl I met online...

Last Person that broke your Heart: Kate. Relationships are supposed to be a two-way proposition, but there wasn't a whole lot of traffic coming the other way.

Last time you were Happy: When I finished getting the costume closet at work organized.

Should I get a nose job? Once again, why ask me? It's your nose. Worry about it if the shade from it is stunting the growth of your moustache, I say.

Kyle

Don't worry, I'm not adding more to the list. Time for me to go chase down the Cheez-Its (yeah, the generic ones) and get rid of the headache so I can stop touching my forehead.